Seventeen

I just returned from the Duncan Peabloggy Tour 2010 in the United States. I visited Los Angeles, Las Vegas, New York and New Jersey and did some readings and signed autographs for my fans and stuff. I seem to have a large following with cashiers and bartenders because they were the ones asking for my autograph the most. I hung out with Matt Damon in LA. We’re looking into writing a screenplay together.

I met with one of my fans in New York and he told me that he thought there should be pictures on this blog. I told him to shut up if he knew what was good for him. But an idea occurred to me. Ask other people if they have suggestions for the blog. I know what you’re thinking. “Duncan, how could WE possibly improve on YOUR blog?” A valid question. But one thing about the pursuit of perfection is that nobody is perfect. Unless one person steals ideas from other people and passes them all off as the ideas of one single man and then he looks like he’s perfect. So from now on if you have any suggestions for how my blog could be improved please list them in the comments section and I will see to it that each and every one of them is given the careful consideration that it deserves and then I will steal it and pass it off as my own.

On second thought, scratch that idea.

I will put up some pictures though. As soon as I take some. They won’t really have much to do with what I’m writing about though because most of what I write is lies.

When I joined the Peace Corps I had these illusions of being like one of those really passionate and stubborn development workers in the movies in poor places. Like that lady from that one movie where she’s like “Hey pharmaceutical guys! Stop testing those drugs on poor African people!” Remember? Except she got killed. I think my biggest problem is that I have no big corporation to fight against. I think Dole did some bad stuff in this country with banana farmers or something. But maybe that was Panama. (My research assistant quit.) I’m at the top of my game when I’m trying to do something illegal or defy some authority figure. But here I don’t really have any adversaries except for the mountain. And people like mountains and nature these days so nobody would take my side in that battle. I guess the mayor could be my adversary but he’s not hindering us so much as just not helping. Plus he’s so fat and looks like a frog and I don’t even know who would play him in the movie about my story. Obviously Matt Damon would play me. I’d throw in some Jason Bourne type stuff. Beat up some secret agents and shit. But unfortunately I just have regular problems like there aren’t enough donkeys to bring up all the cement and space aliens stole all my pipes.

I think my cat is agoraphobic. That’s the one where they’re afraid to leave home right? It never leaves the house. I think in the US there are lots of agoraphobic cats that they just call house cats. But they don’t exist here. Kind of like ADD is rampant in the US but here those kinds of kids are just “bad at school.” Sometimes when it’s bothering me I throw it out the door and it turns around and runs right back in like I just threw it in a pool of acid with acid-tolerant piranhas wearing acid-proof cat lasers and previously regular, but now acid-washed, jeans. My cat hates acid-washed jeans. Sometimes I play a game with him where I throw him out the front door and shut it really quickly and then we both sprint to the back door to see who gets there first and if it’s me I close and it. We always have a good laugh after that game. At least I think he’s laughing. It’s a whiny, crying type laugh.

Another idea that I had that was completely mine and not a suggestion from anybody else and especially not from my friend Kyle was to do a question and answer thing. I thought that was a good idea that I had because I’m completely out of material and am back to talking about my cat. So from now on if you have questions about what I’m doing here or what I would do with a million dollars if I had to spend it all in one place then you can ask me in the comments section. It doesn’t have to be interesting. What did I have for breakfast? You won’t know till you ask. It was an apple. Shit.

Pictures to follow…